dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
