but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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