Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
