talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
