I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
