bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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