i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
