i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
