she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
