we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
