She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
