Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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