We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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