i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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