My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
