mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
