my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
