My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
