It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you didnt know i had herpes?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
