yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
