She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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