There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
