Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
