Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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