just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
vagina is talking i cant
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
