my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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