lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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