this boner is exhausting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
