you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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