hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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