she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
