Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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