I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
