Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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