just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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