The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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