I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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