Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
