meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
