dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
