I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
