the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
