I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There r osticjed everywhere
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
