he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
