No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
