Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
