I want to stick my p in your. b.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
