I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
