i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
