It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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