you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
