My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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