Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
