we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
