I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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