So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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