I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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