Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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