I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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